What's wrong with this picture?
by AgentHarvey31
Summary: He never got to say it properly and now he never would.


**What's wrong with this picture?**

**Warning: Major Character Death, M/M, gay bashing**

**Disclaimer: Don't own glee; wish I did so I could have Puck as my sex slave.**

**A/N: The songs I chose for this are One Sweet Day by Mariah Carey and Boyz 2 Men and Running up that Hill cover by Placebo. The title is from another Placebo song though, points for those who can guess it.**

It's raining. He thinks 'How ironic is it that it's raining at HIS funeral.' If he could feel anything other than emptiness right now, it would have made him laugh. As it stands, that's all he can feel as he sits there listening to the preacher talk about how HE'S in a better place and how HE no longer has to feel pain or hurt. And he can't help but think that if he could of just been there, just one minute sooner, he could have stopped it. Could have saved him. He doesn't cry or comfort anyone who is crying or upset. He just sits there because he can't feel anything anymore. Even his fingers are numb when he tries to play the song the Glee club is singing. He just can't do it so he stops trying and just listens to them singing. They are singing One Sweet Day, and isn't that just fitting. He can feel the hole in chest getting bigger as the song continues but he just can seem to cry. He wants to, wants to get the grieving part over with, but he just can't feel anything at the moment except, numb. They all go back to HIS house and try and talk to each other about how they feel, but it just doesn't work.

As they are leaving Finn stops him.

"Are you ok to drive yourself?" He seems concerned that he's going to have a break down or something. He tries to assure him that he's fine to drive and something in his eyes must have gotten across because Finn lets him go.

Its weeks before anyone feel up to do any singing in Glee. They all still meet but it's only to keep up appearances to the outsiders and to try to move on, together. It's Ms. Pillsbury's idea, that they all come up with a song to sing to help get their feelings out. And it takes another week for them all to be on board with it. So here he sits in Glee, listening to his friends sing about HIM and it's harder than he thought it would be. It's been a month since HE died (was killed). It's his turn to do his song. He sits down and begins to play the only song that fits.

**It doesn't hurt me.  
>You wanna feel how it feels?<br>You wanna know, know that it doesn't hurt me?  
>You wanna hear about the deal I'm making?<br>You be running up that hill  
>You and me be running up that hill<strong>

It didn't hurt him at first, he was numb to everything that was going on around him. Even physically, he was numb. He realized this when he had to have it pointed out to him that his sleeve had caught on fire from trying to light the grill for dinner one night.

**And if I only could,  
>Make a deal with God,<br>And get him to swap our places,  
>Be running up that road,<br>Be running up that hill,**

**Be running up that building.  
>If I only could, oh...<strong>

It fits how he feels now, about not being able to save him and not being able to change places. He'd give anything to have HIM back even if it meant he, himself would be gone. He feels expendable, like they wouldn't care all that much if it were him instead.

**You don't wanna hurt me,  
>But see how deep the bullet lies.<br>Unaware that I'm tearing you asunder.  
>There's a thunder in our hearts, baby.<br>So much hate for the ones we love?  
>Tell me, we both matter, don't we?<strong>

**You, be running up that hill  
>You and me, be running up that hill<br>You and me won't be unhappy.**

This is the part that takes him back to that night, of holding his hand over the bleeding wound on HIS stomach. Of listening to the hateful things HIS attacker (murderer) was saying to the police to try and rationalize the shooting, 'just a fucking fairy, little fruitcake had it coming, flaunting what he is in everyone's faces'. He tries to ignore that by looking back down into HIS eyes. He could see that HE didn't want him to be afraid, didn't want him to worry. He still can't help but think that 'if only I was there a minute early', can't help but think that this is all his fault, for being who he is, what he is. He did love him and he never got to say it properly. As HE lay in his arms dying, that's all he could say though. It was his mantra 'I love you, just hold on. Stay with me please, I love you.' But in the end love wasn't enough.

**And if I only could,  
>Make a deal with God,<br>And get him to swap our places,  
>Be running up that road,<br>Be running up that hill,  
>Be running up that building,<br>If I only could, oh...**

The tears were now streaming down his face as he sang. For so long all he felt was numb, and now as the pain of losing HIM, the hurt of watching HIM die, the longing he has just to see HIM again so he can 'I love you' just one more time, comes flooding in, it takes all he has just to keep playing and singing.

**C'mon, baby, c'mon, c'mon, darling,  
>Let me steal this moment from you now.<br>C'mon, angel, c'mon, c'mon, darling,  
>Let's exchange the experience, oh...'<strong>

**And if I only could,  
>Make a deal with God,<br>And get him to swap our places,  
>Be running up that road,<br>Be running up that hill,  
>With no problems<strong>

**'If I only could, be running up that hill.**

**'If I only could, be running up that hill.**

**'If I only could, be running up that hill.**

His voice breaks on the last note as the tears continue to stream down his face. They all come to his side as he finishes and someone takes his guitar away. Finn is the first one to put his arms around him and he buries his face in his neck, shaking as the body wracking sobs continue. He can't stand the feeling of pain that has finally invaded his body, over the loss of the one person that ever thought he was worth something. He'll never forget how Kurt looked that day clinging to him, as he lay dying, never forget how he looked as they all put white lilies by him as they said their last goodbyes, never forget how he looked just like he was sleeping and at any moment he would get up and complain about how his clothes were getting wrinkled. He cried and cried and cried til he just sat there clutching at Finn for support. He never go to tell Kurt how much he loved him, but with everyone hugging him and showing him how much they care and love **him, **how much they love **Puck**, maybe he never had to say it properly at all, he liked to think that Kurt just knew.

**A/N: I would never actually want this to happen to Kurt, but I just felt like writing something sad to try and help me get those emotions out. And maybe help alleviate the writer's block I'm having with the sequel to Shock Jock.**


End file.
